“Merry Christmas” or “Happy Holidays”? When (and If) to Say Which One

I am a Christian. Therefore, with all due respect to whomever I date or marry someday (if God calls me to do that), Jesus will remain my most important love in my life.

And yet, I believe that that saying “Merry Christmas” to someone is not always the right thing to say during this season of the year.

My previous sentence is controversial to many Christians, some of whom are good friends of mine. From my understanding, much of the controversy involves the desire to “keep Christ in Christmas.” There is a fear that, by replacing “Christmas Greetings” with “Holiday Greetings,” our society will forget the reason for the season: Jesus Christ.

And you know what? If you’re talking with someone else who you know is Christian, or someone else who you know celebrates the holiday (whether the person is Christian or not), “Merry Christmas” is the appropriate thing to say. So for me, a Christian, I am perfectly content with the “Merry Christmas” greeting, though I wouldn’t get upset if someone said “Happy Holidays.”

Speaking of “Happy Holidays,” that type of greeting is most appropriate to say when you literally have no clue what holiday or holidays someone is celebrating. Through the “Happy Holidays” greeting, you are saying something which covers whatever holiday someone else is celebrating, whether it be Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, New Year’s Day, some combination of the four, or none of the four.[1] Furthermore, by saying “Happy Holidays,” you avoid giving a holiday greeting that offends someone’s religious sensibilities (for example, saying “Merry Christmas” to an observant Jew who does not believe that Jesus was the Messiah is unwise). In the end, as controversial as the “Happy Holidays” greeting may be among some Christians, that greeting is actually meant to be sensitive to the fact that not everyone shares my beliefs.

In some instances, neither “Merry Christmas” nor “Happy Holidays” is an appropriate greeting to say to someone. This may come as a shock to people who are passionate about the debate between the two greetings. If you’re talking with someone who you know is Jewish, “Happy Hanukkah” is the most appropriate greeting. While I know some Jews who celebrate Christmas as a cultural holiday, I also know other others whose religious sensibilities would be offended by someone saying “Merry Christmas.” Therefore, “Happy Hanukkah” is the proper greeting for a Jewish friend or family member.

In all instances, when we give holiday greetings to people, we should give the type of greeting which corresponds to the religious sensibilities of said person, even if you don’t share all of the person’s values. And, if you don’t know the religious sensibilities of the person you’re talking to, “Happy Holidays” is probably the best catch-all greeting to give at this time of year.

[1] In instances when someone doesn’t celebrate any of the holidays, you can still give a “Happy Holidays” greeting. From my family’s experiences, people who don’t celebrate any of the major holidays still respond respectfully to “Happy Holidays.”

Racism Exists Where You Don’t Expect It

A few weeks ago, someone (I don’t know who) wrote some extremely disturbing things on my family’s car and on street poles near my family’s house. The person wrote things like “n****r,” “Mexican n****r,” “black cop,” and “Black people are stupid.”

I was tempted to not say anything, anywhere, about all of this. I decided otherwise.

I will use my experience with such hateful rhetoric by saying this: racism exists where you don’t expect it.

People tend to associate racism with certain parts of the country, or even with certain parts of states. I’ve heard people from the northern United States make remarks about the “racist South.” I’ve heard people from northern New Jersey make remarks about how southern New Jersey is a hotbed for racists. I’ve heard people in New York City remark about how upstate New York has many racists. And, admittedly, I’ve been behind some of those remarks and/or have implicitly or explicitly agreed with many of those remarks.

But the thing is that I don’t live in southern New Jersey, upstate New York, or the southern United States. I live in New York City. People often don’t think of New York City as a hotbed for racists. Yet, I was staring at racism in my New York City neighborhood several weeks ago, both figuratively and literally.

The bottom line is this: racism exists in places where you don’t expect it. It exists everywhere. You don’t just see racism in southern Jersey; it exists in northern Jersey. It doesn’t just exist in upstate New York; it exists in New York City. It doesn’t just exist in states that used to be parts of the Confederacy; it exists in states that used to be part of the Union. If there is one thing about racism that doesn’t discriminate, it is in the places where racism actually exists.

So I hope that all of us stop trying to pretend that race issues are either from a bygone era or are in part of the country that is far away from where some of us live. Wherever people exist, racists exist. I just hope it doesn’t take seeing words like “n****r,” “Mexican n****r,” “black cop,” and “Black people are stupid” in your neighborhood to recognize that fact.

IMAG0538
This racist language was not found in Alabama or even southern New Jersey, but in my own neighborhood in New York City. This photo was taken by me.

I Won a Thing…the Liebster Award!

Gold with Red

Hello everyone!

Today, I have a really exciting piece of news! I’ve been nominated for the Liebster Award! While I discussed in my previous “blog news” post that I’m glad to have an audience larger than two, it’s also an honor to realize that my work is well enough liked to be recognized for it. (And anyone who’s curious about the details of recognition for the Liebster Award can look here)

Anyway, I want to thank Rosemerry from Rosemerry Writes for nominating me! While I first discovered her blog during the #MeToo movement on social media, I’ve also found that she writes on a variety of other topics and even does some Japanese! She is truly a Renaissance blogger.

Anyway, there are some questions I need to answer, courtesy of Rosemerry, so that I can accept the award. So, without further adieu, here are the questions and my responses to them:

Rosemerry: How stoked are you?

Brendan: I’m pretty stoked right now, though if someone were to bring up my favorite baseball team, the New York Mets, with me in conversation, that would change pretty quickly since the baseball team’s lack of success is nearly as certain as death and taxes.

Rosemerry: Why did you start blogging?

Brendan: The complete answer to this question would probably require an entire blog post from me, but in short, I started to realize a number of injustices I and/or others were blind to or blindly committed. I posted about some of these injustices on Facebook, but I realized that I should talk about some of these issues on the blogosphere instead of keeping them on Facebook.

Rosemerry: What keeps you blogging?

Brendan: For me, it’s pretty easy to keep blogging because I love to write and I’m passionate about the topics I write about.

Rosemerry: Which post has been the most difficult for you to write and/or publish so far? Why?

Brendan: Honestly, the first post was the most difficult one. I struggled with self-doubt, and I particularly doubted my qualifications to write on the issues I discuss, my writing abilities, and my ability to have or find an audience. I had to overcome all of that self-doubt in order to write my first post.

Rosemerry: Have you published a post that was unexpectedly popular? Why didn’t you expect it to be popular, and why do you think it was?

Brendan: I didn’t expect my post on #MeToo to be popular, but to date no post has received more likes than that one. I drafted the post within hours of publishing it, and that’s more likely to produce typos than success. Yet, it was more popular than any other post I’ve written. I think it was popular because it was timely (it came out within a couple days of #MeToo first becoming viral) and useful to many people.

Rosemerry: What’s your theme song?

Brendan: Hmmm. My theme song varies, depending on the day (and sometimes the hour). Though as a person of Christian faith, the closest thing I have to a theme song would be Matt Maher’s “Lord I Need You”, because I realize that there’s so much in life I can’t do on my own power but need God’s help with.

Rosemerry: Name a poet you enjoy (other than yourself) and tell us why.

Brendan: Well, unfortunately I’ve never really been much into poetry. My apologies for disappointing the poets who read this blog.

Rosemerry: If you could have one superpower, what would you choose (heroic and villainous are both okay!)?

Brendan: If there’s a superpower which allows me to care for people endlessly without any time limitations, I’d totally be down for that!

Rosemerry: If you were a character in a novel, how would you want to be described?

Brendan: I’d want to be described as unselfish and compassionate, of course! Or alternately, I want to be the opposite of the Gordon Gekko character who says that “greed is good.”

Rosemerry: Who is the voice of your generation? Why?

Brendan: I’ve never really been much into music, but Lady Gaga is the voice of my generation. People around me couldn’t stop talking about her, and the people around me couldn’t stop blaring her music. At the first-ever summer camp I attended, the dances I attended just couldn’t get enough of Lady Gaga’s “Alejandro”.

Rosemerry: You just found out dragons are real. What do you do next?

Brendan: I’d probably freak out, find out where the dragons are, and get as far away from the dragons as I possibly could!

My Liebster Award Nominees:

Part of my accepting this nomination was that I, too, nominate several different bloggers that have a small following at the moment (200 or fewer followers) but deserve more recognition. These were the blogs I nominated, in no particular order:

  1. Running with Crutches. I’ve learned so much from Erica and her blog on ableism and disability rights (though more recently she’s also had posts on eating disorders, and those posts are insightful too). For example, she’s written on topics I never thought of previously, such as the challenges of dating with a disability and the ableism that exists within the disability community.
  2. Tuesday Justice. This blog, which focuses on racial issues, writes timely and insightful pieces. For example, this blog posted an article on the problems with blackface…days before a couple of students from my alma mater got in trouble in part for putting on blackface.
  3. Caitlin J. Stout. First of all, I really respect and admire how brave Caitlin is for writing as an openly gay Christian while attending a non-affirming Christian institution. Beyond that, it’s always very helpful to read her posts as I continue along my journey as a Christian and (hopefully) becoming a good ally.
  4. Age Discrimination in Employment. Given my anti-ageism work, I wanted to nominate at least one anti-ageism blog. As this blog’s posts include everything from legal developments on this issue to studies, you’ll get to see the issue of age discrimination from a variety of perspectives.
  5. She Speaks We Hear. While this blog has a clear focus on issues in the United Kingdom, many of the women’s issues discussed here are relevant to many parts of the world. For example, posts on topics such as male feminists and breastfeeding shaming are not just relevant in the UK, but in many other parts of the world too!

Finally, I have some questions for the people who I nominated. I won’t answer these questions since this post already feels way too long, but I will ask them the following:

  1. Why did you start your blog?
  2. What motivates you when you find that you are having a difficult time blogging?
  3. Which blog post did you most enjoy writing?
  4. What have you learned about yourself since you started to blog?
  5. What would you say to someone who’s interested in blogging?
  6. If you could be the head-of-state of your country of citizenship (whether it be President of the United States, Chancellor of Germany, UK Prime Minister, etc.) for one day, tell me one thing that you would do.
  7. If you could travel anywhere in the world, where would you travel and why?
  8. What hobbies do you have? And sorry, school and work don’t count.
  9. Who is your role model, and why do you think of that person as a role model?
  10. Where do you see yourself five years from now?

That’s pretty much it. Thanks to Rosemerry for nominating me, and congrats to the people who were nominated!

Forced Intimacy: An Ableist Norm

This week, I decided to share a post from Leaving Evidence on something called forced intimacy, a term used by blogger and activist Mia Mingus to describe “the common, daily experience of disabled people being expected to share personal parts of ourselves to survive in an ableist world.” It was especially interesting to read about how even basic things, like pushing a wheelchair, are often done without the author’s consent or without the consent of disabled people in general. I hope that people reading Mingus’s post can learn how to avoid imposing this forced intimacy upon people with disabilities, no matter how well-intentioned we are.

“Forced Intimacy” is a term I have been using for years to refer to the common, daily experience of disabled people being expected to share personal parts of ourselves to survive in an ableist world. This often takes the form of being expected to share (very) personal information with able bodied people to get basic […]

via Forced Intimacy: An Ableist Norm — Leaving Evidence

Native American History is Erased from School Curricula

One thing that many of us might not be aware of is that November is Native American History Month.

Another thing many of us may not be aware of is that Native American history is often barely present, absent, or extremely misleading in school curricula.

For example, the College Board’s curriculum for Advanced Placement (AP) United States History mentioned Native Americans only once in a post-1890 context: as a subdivision of a key concept which says students should learn about how “Latino, American Indian, and Asian American movements continued to demand social and economic equality and a redress of past injustices” (quote found on page 87 of this link). To which I think, “Umm…excuse me…what do you think happened with Native Americans between 1890 and the civil rights era?” I’m not sure if I’d get answers even if I asked the College Board.

My home state of New York is somewhat better about including Native Americans in its history curriculum. For example, New York includes Native American movements on the list of civil rights movements that need to be covered. Regarding the era of World War II, the curriculum says: “Students will examine the contributions of women, African Americans, Native Americans, Asian Americans, Mexican workers, and Mexican Americans to the war effort, as well as the discrimination that they experienced in the military and workforce.” The curriculum also makes room for key legislation on Native Americans, such as the Dawes Act, and forced assimilation efforts, such as the Carlisle Indian Industrial School. However, unless the quality of textbooks has changed since my younger brother went through United States History in New York two years ago, much of the information on these topics is misleading at best, and promoting falsehoods at worst.

And some of that misleading information is expressed when California talks about Native Americans and civil rights. At one point, the post-World War II chapter in their curriculum says: “American Indians also became more aware of the inequality of their treatment in many states where Indian tribes are located. American Indian veterans, returning from World War II were no longer willing to be denied the right to vote by the states, which controlled the voting sites or to be told their children could not attend state public schools” (in this link; search for my quote to find the link most easily). Say what? They just said that there was little awareness among Native Americans about their lack of rights before the 1940s? That comment left me puzzled, to say the least.

I can give more examples of how states poorly handle Native American issues beyond the 1870s or so, but I think that these three examples give enough of a picture. The bottom line is that Native Americans are often either erased or are depicted with misleading information in many portions of school curricula. That fact is shameful.

It is often said that “those who don’t learn from history are doomed to repeat it.” Many high school curricula don’t even teach the history of Native Americans beyond the 1870s (let alone teach it properly), so if we are to avoid repeating mistakes, we must start to educate ourselves. I have much to educate myself on, and many of us have much to educate ourselves on, but we must educate ourselves so that we don’t repeat the mistakes and injustices committed against Native Americans in the past.